Ttyjukl

Since Voltaire claims the quotes were mostly based on fan input and his own recollection of the series, I was wondering if it would be possible to get all the episodes together that contain the scenes that the song is based on.

This is the version from the album BiTrektual:

Well, I was stranded on a planet, just me and Spock

We met a nasty Nazi alien, he locked our asses up

We found a hunk of crystal and a metal piece of bed

We made a laser phaser gun and shot him in the head!

I think I remember a episode where Kirk and Spock build a phaser gun from scraps, but I have no clue which episode it could be.

Well, I was standing on the bridge when Sulu came to me

His eyes were full of tears, he said, "Captain, can't you see?

The ship is gonna blow, do something, I beseech!"

I grabbed a tribble and some chewing gum and stopped the warp core breach

Absolutely, no or?

And I said, Bounce a graviton particle beam off the main deflector dish

That's the way we do things...

Any idea anyone?

And if you're at a party on the starship Enterprise

And the karaoke player just plain old up and dies

Set up a neutrino field inside a can of peas

Hold on to Geordi's visor and sing into Data's knees

No, for sure I have never seen this! I would remember that! Is any of that based on any "real" Star Trek stuff?

Sisko's on a mission to go no bloody place

He loiters on a space station above Bajoran space

The wormhole opened up and now they come from near and far

We'll keep the booze but please send back the f—ing Jem’Hadar

That’s DS9 ok, but is there anything else to grab in there?

And what is with the Klingons? Remember, in the day

They looked like Puerto Ricans and they dressed in gold lamé

Now they look like heavy metal rockers from the dead

With leather pants and frizzy hair and lobsters on their heads

Ok, I get that.

Well, I was stuck on Voyager, pounding on the door

When suddenly it dawned on me I've seen this show before

Perhaps I'm in a warp bubble slightly out of phase

'Cause it was way back in the sixties when they called it "Lost in Space"

Loved that series as well!

We were looking for a way to make the ratings soar

So we orchestrated an encounter with the Borg

Normally you'd think that that would get us into shit

But this one has a smashing ass and a lovely set of tits

Ok, that is Season 4 Voyager when 7 of 9 gets introduced.

Well then they got a new show and it's called Enterprise

And it takes place a hundred years before Kirk was alive

They say that it's a prequel or so that's what it's called

It's such a bad idea you'd swear that Lucas was involved

Lucas? What did I miss? George Lucas?

They have a Vulcan female but she's a nervous wreck

Her ass is sweet as Seven's only green so what the heck

They're in the past but Klingons have those lobsters on their heads

I'm more confused than Wesley Crusher nude in Tasha's bed

Wesley Crusher nude in Tasha's bed??? Ok, I must have missed or suppressed that completely!

Well it would seem a big wig up at Paramount

Must have felt the franchise was stale by all accounts

Cause he hired J. J. Abrams to give the thing a shove

I feared that he would mock and mangle everything I love

Well I went to the movie and there much to my shock

There were hunky models playing Kirk and Spock

Vulcan's been destroyed and the timeline has been crushed

So someone tell me why I love this film so fucking much

Ok, this one is easy, there are not that many movies...

What does God need with a starship?

?

Thanks for helping out! The song is on YouTube if that helps...

"What does God need with a starship?" is from Star Trek V: The Final Frontier

"They have a Vulcan female But she's a nervous wreck" - Likely a reference to T'Pol who suffered mental illness as a result of exposure to trellium

"Klingons have those lobsters on their heads I'm more confused than Wesley Crusher nude in Tasha's bed" - Wesley never slept with Tasha. I think this is a reference to the fact that Trek : Enterprise Klingons had ridged foreheads whereas those in TOS did not

"It's such a bad idea you'd swear that Lucas was involved" - This one is a bit harsh, but Enterprise is the only recent Trek show to be prematurely cancelled. “Lucas” is indeed George Lucas, who made prequels to his Star Wars trilogy which were widely derided.

"Perhaps I'm in a warp bubble slightly out of phase" - I think they've gotten confused with TNG: Remember Me where Dr Crusher gets stuck in a Static Warp Bubble

"The wormhole opened up and now they come from near and far, We'll keep the booze" - This is a reference to DS9: Rules of Acquisition where the Ferengi attempt to buy wine from the Dosi, a client species of the Dominion.

"Bounce a graviton particle beam off the main deflector dish" - This happened several times in both Voyager (to open a path to fluidic space) and TNG (as a weapon against the borg)

"Just me and Spock We met a nasty Nazi alien / We made a laser phaser gun " - A reference to TOS : Patterns of Force, an episode where the Enterprise crew encounter nazi space aliens

The party on the Starship Enterprise sounds a lot like the TNG episode "The Next Phase" where Ro and Geordi are presumed dead but are really just out of phase with the rest of the crew (and therefore invisible to them) after mucking around with some cloaking technology. The Enterprise crew decides to throw a party-style funeral for their "fallen" shipmates. However, Geordi and Ro attend the party while still invisible, and they find a way to make their presence known by creating an energy field that Data eventually notices. When they come back to reality, they're huddled on the ground together, Ro grabbing hold of Geordi, and Data standing over them.

We found a hunk of crystal and a metal piece of bed
We made a laser phaser gun and shot him in the head!

This is actually a direct reference to the episode "City on the edge of forever